Do you ever feel like dating, relationships and sex has an unwritten rule book that you can’t seem to grasp? Do you ever create imaginary standards that you then try and force yourself to measure up to? Do you look around and feel like you are tracking along a little slower than everyone else?
Sometimes it can feel like there is a timeline for the milestones of relationships. Things like getting a boyfriend, having your first kiss, having sex for the first time. Whether this is created by the environment around you or inside your head, it can cause a lot of anxiety, embarrassment and shame when you feel like you aren’t keeping up. Sometimes, kismet has just not worked her magic and life is just unfolding the way it is meant to.
It can become even more stressful when you may finally meet someone at an older stage in your life. Everything you are going through is new for you. You have a heavy fear that they will judge you and find you lacking. “How did this woman get to blah blah blah age and she hasn’t done blah blah blah before? What’s wrong with her!”. You find yourself wondering what happens on the first date, the second date, the third date. When do you let him kiss you? When should you jump into bed! When do you bring up those heavier questions that you fret about before falling asleep at night “are you sleeping with anyone else at the same time as seeing me?”!
There are enough books, movies, TV shows, religions, friends, family and colleagues who will be quick to jump in and tell you what’s right. Sometimes though, that information just doesn’t fit you. Quite a lot of the time, that information ignores your needs. At the end of the day, it comes down to listening to yourself and discussing your needs with the person you are seeing. Your partner is not god omnipotent. They are in their own journey and figuring themselves out along the way too and might have their own insecurities. Talk about how you feel. If they turn around and treat you like crap because you aired what you think, feel and want, it is a great way to know you can run from that relationship earlier rather than later. If not, then enjoy the experience of working out the way you and your partner want the relationship to work.
There isn’t a set rule book that you are meant to have read to know you are jumping through the right hoops. There is no right and wrong way for a relationship to go and that you somehow fail. Make it your own.