You stride down the street in excitement as you go to meet your partner. You notice him 100 meters away. You imagine running the last distance and flinging yourself into his arms followed by a passionate smooch on the sidewalk. What happens? You walk up to him and he leans in and pecks you on the lips. You feel disappointed. You think to yourself “maybe he doesn’t really care for me”.
You are sitting on the couch waiting for your Menulog to get delivered. It’s been a stressful week and you’re already on edge. You look across at him. He is sitting there checking a Snapchat from a friend and not talking to you. You start having an internal meltdown and thinking “he is bored with me. He doesn’t really want me here. I think I should end it soon”.
You got to bed. You have sex. You each lie there and someone suggests going to sleep. He slips the covers up over his shoulders and rolls away from you. You silently cry because you had been hoping he would lean over and smother your face in kisses before giving you a hug good night. “It’s really time to quit this relationship” is a mental mantra you whisper internally on repeat till you fall asleep.
You leave the next morning and wonder when you will see him again. You would love to see him once a week. You don’t know what he wants. What are his expectations? You analyse each and every little clue that you have taken from all the time you have spent with him and you come to conclusion that he just mustn’t be interested in you. It’s time to do an emergency eject manoeuvre and get out of this situation. You don’t want to be the girl that is used. You don’t want to be the girl that everyone is laughing at. You don’t want to be crying yourself to sleep 12 months later.
But what if…
You are walking down the street and see the man you are dating. You feel the desire to run up and give him a big smooch. You break into a light jog, give him a cheeky grin and plant a big kiss on his lips. He looks momentarily surprised and then leans in for another one and lightly taps your bum, tucks his hand in your arm and you walk down the street together.
You are sitting on the couch and he is checking his Snapchat. You feel like he is ignoring you and doesn’t want you in the house and you turn to him and ask “are you bored with me right now?”. He looks up bewildered, blinks his eyes and slowly looks across at you. You explain how you feel when he is on his phone. He just laughs at you and leans over and shows you his old house mate doing a pub crawl across the city. You lean back and put on ‘Orange is the New Black’ and he tucks your legs underneath his and gives your feet a massage.
You’re each lying there panting after sex. He gets up to grab a glass of water and when he settles back down you roll to him and ask “why don’t you kiss me before going to sleep? Is it that you aren’t touchy feely? Were you affectionate with your past girlfriends?”. He just sniggers and asks what books you have been reading. You punch him in the arm and command him to indulge you in a reply. He goes serious and thinks about it. He replies that he doesn’t thinks he is not touchy/feely and you decide that you will have to be passionate for both of you and lean over and smother his face in kisses.
In the morning you wake up, have a shower and get dressed while he makes you tea. Before you leave, you ask him “how many times a week do you want to see each other?”. He just shrugs and then asks you how often you expect to see each other. You mention once a week at least and he says he is happy with that as well. You give him a kiss on the lips and walk out to catch the train.
“Don’t Make Assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.”
(Don Miguel Ruiz)